A note left for friends who were away for three months and had me watch their place:
Welcome home. I hope your extended sojourn was everything you hoped it would be. As you can see, the house is still standing, something we can both be grateful for.
A note left for friends who were away for three months and had me watch their place:
Welcome home. I hope your extended sojourn was everything you hoped it would be. As you can see, the house is still standing, something we can both be grateful for.
In your absence, there was an issue with the plumbing. It would seem one of the pipes supplying water to the upstairs shower began to leak; the escaping water found its way into your hardwired smoke detectors, setting off their high-pitched screeching. This, of course, provoked your neighbors into calling the fire department; I believe you will find the invoice for their services on the kitchen counter. The plumber’s bill should be right there with it.
I regret not having more detailed instructions on caring for your delicate houseplants. No matter how gently they were conversed with or how religiously they were watered, your orchids could not survive. My best guess is that they were so down-hearted, they could not go on. Sadly, so were your ferns, jade, and ivy.
I trust you will find the lawn’s condition acceptable. After figuring out the complicated engine priming, control bar holding, and start chord pulling sequence on your mower, ungodly loud thing that it is, I could cut the grass. In my temporary groundskeeper haste, I may have reduced a few rows of perennials to salad. All apologies.
Please pardon the dried-blood trail on the garage floor. I had no idea the garage door could come came down so swiftly and unexpectedly. Fortunately, I never used those smaller toes for much of anything, and the rest of my foot is healing nicely.
Thanks again for the leftovers you bid me take from your refrigerator. It is rare to have so many unusual dishes of unknown origin at my house. You will be glad to know they decomposed nicely in that new setting, but I fear their many weeks of decay in my fridge rendered the storage containers irredeemable. That is to say, I just couldn't scrub the stink out.
Oh, and those fresh herbs you left me turned black before I even got them home. I assume they are still appropriate for use in exotic soups and stews; please find them restocked in your crisper drawer.
I am grateful to no longer have to sort through your mailbox three times a week. Nor must I somehow recall the code to your home alarm system. By the way, when you speak to the alarm company representative, please explain that I was under a lot of stress, and trying to hear his instructions over that siren supplanted any shred of civility I had left at that moment. Really, it was the shriek of the alarm talking. I didn't mean those things I said.
The important thing is, you are back and my obligation is over. Should you go on extended holiday again, please know that I would be happy to house sit, but cannot as I’ll be away the same time you are, whenever that will be.
Pat Grimes, a former South Bay resident, writes from Ypsilanti, Mich. He can be reached at pgwriter@inbox.com
