THE LONG VIEW: Boarding a flight takes mucho class

Pat Grime copy.jpg

I flew recently from airline hub to airline hub, modern international facilities moving millions of passengers each month. I could not help but feel connected to my fellow travelers; once the inflated fare is paid, we all enjoy similar amenities and are subjected to the same inconveniences.

That feeling soon dissipated.

I flew recently from airline hub to airline hub, modern international facilities moving millions of passengers each month. I could not help but feel connected to my fellow travelers; once the inflated fare is paid, we all enjoy similar amenities and are subjected to the same inconveniences.

That feeling soon dissipated.

Waiting in the glacial-paced line to participate in Transportation Security Administration Theater, where the masses suffer pointless indignities and agents miss 95 percent of the contraband (but no, you cannot take that bottled water), I noted a second queue moving more swiftly.  It was, of course, the procession for the pampered — those passengers holding first-class tickets or elite frequent flyer status.

Still, we’re all boarding that shiny metal tube together to share the experience of hurtling across the sky together.  Well, yes and no.

These days, getting on your flight is an exercise in class distinction.  Where once there were only two boarding groups — first-class, followed by coach passengers —now there are multiple tiers of aircraft access. 

My carrier invites its more elite fliers to board via a special rug, differing only in color from the one we cattle trod on when entering the jet way. These privileged passengers are designated by various select statuses.  The first ones on board are first-class customers who paid the big bucks.  Next come the fortunate flyers with miles enough to earn early egress, but even this group is stratified. 

So it is that the Insignia Diamond members are invited to their seats before the Insignia Platinum folks, who get to buckle up before the Insignia Gold people, who are allowed to go before the plebians of Insignia Silver, who settle in prior to the bottom-dwellers entering under the humble “all rows boarding” call from the gate agent. 

This sort of thing is common with carriers today; major airlines will extend the façade of favor toward anyone once they’ve qualified for their flyer programs, christened with names from the world of gems and precious metals.

Add a few modifiers to ever-so-slightly distinguish your program from others, and give your passengers the appearance of special rank: Premier 1K, Platinum, Gold, and Silver on United, AAdvantage Executive Platinum, Platinum, and Gold on American, etc.

As I recall, my boarding took place after nearly a dozen more consequential groups of travelers received their invitation. After the fortunate FlyMiles Opal, Iridium, Ruby, Palladium, Sapphire, Rhodium, Emerald, Bronze, Aquamarine, Tungsten, Pearl, Zinc, and Topaz members claimed their too-small overhead compartments and seats, I was welcome to take what little space was left.

So, most of my fellow passengers got on and off before me, sat in more spacious seats, and had plenty of room for their carry-on luggage.  And it only cost me hundreds of dollars to feel so completely lower class, a status I could have enjoyed for far less by purchasing tickets to a concert or major sporting event.

Oh, well.  At least I endured the experience without violent outbursts, something that should qualify me for SkyHero status (featuring complimentary beverages). 

Pat Grimes, a former South Bay resident, writes from Ypsilanti, Mich. He can be reached at pgwriter@inbox.com